and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
