Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize