I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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