I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
