Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
