i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
