The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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