he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
