Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
