When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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