I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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