Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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