I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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