i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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