she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I love having hate sex.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
