i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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