I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
