their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
