Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
