Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
love makes seman taste better
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
