You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
