so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize