Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
