I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize