I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
