i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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