were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
