New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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