Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
3 2 1 whiskey
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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