I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
