I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
