i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
