Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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