if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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