Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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