So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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