Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
