Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
