So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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