I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
