I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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