Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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