She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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