alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
