I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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