he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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