Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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