i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
