I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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