Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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