All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
