I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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