Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
