Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
