Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
