Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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