i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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