why didn't you poke me back
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize