Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
