The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
this is an emotional support booty call
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
