yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
