whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize