And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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