"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there was a trapeze. enough said
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
