whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
