In America we eat man semen.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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