No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
