i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
