Define "chronic" masturbator.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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