Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
