we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
