Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize