Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
