i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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