Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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