my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Everything about him screamed your future.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
