Kiss
Puke
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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