Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
