You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
