I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
