I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
