i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
