How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
