Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
