I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
a search helicopter?!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
