the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
