The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
