you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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