i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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