jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
