We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
